There is no sugarcoating a bad breakup…it can be really rough. There is no amount of fluffy words, chocolate ice-cream, and venting that will alleviate the pain right away. However, planning an amazing soiree celebrating how great you are paired with understanding how to bounce back could be the key to recovery. The only thing you will really feel like doing is crying, wallowing, and watching sad movies after you and your lover calls it splits because you are grieving. The Mayo Clinic describes grief as “both a universal and a personal experience. Individual experiences of grief vary and are influenced by the nature of the loss. Some examples of loss include the death of a loved one, the ending of an important relationship, job loss, loss through theft or the loss of independence through disability. Experts advise those grieving to realize they can’t control the process and to prepare for varying stages of grief.” And studies have found that the longer you are together, the more dissolved your sense of self becomes in the other person and you basically can lose yourself in the relationship according to a paper in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
Therefore, having a party to celebrate the new “you” can set you in the right direction towards discovering yourself again and healing during your stages of grief.
INVITE POSITIVE PEOPLE
Please leave the “Negative Nancy’s” off the invite list. Invite your really good and genuine friends who have your best interest at heart. If you can afford it, mail out real invitations so that it will implant in your mind how big of a deal this party really is.
GET A CAKE
Research has found that people crave sweets when they are experiencing extreme sadness so why not have a big beautiful cake with your picture on it.
Make sure you play upbeat happy music. The last thing you need is slow sappy love music to remind you of the love you lost. And make sure you dance and loosen up because research has found that dancing can improve brain function on many levels.
The loss of a relationship is very similar to grieving and instead of viewing this loss as an end, it needs to eventually be viewed as just a change or a transition into something new and that’s where a vision board can help. Have each girlfriend write on a sticky what they learned from their last breakup and how they grew and have them talk a little about that experience at the party. Then, add their sticky notes, your picture, future goals, images of pretty things you like, and inspirational quotes to the board.
Make sure you go all out with decorations. Your favorite color balloons, beautiful scented candles, your favorite food, and a bouquet of flowers are just a few ideas. It should look good, smell good, and feel good as a reminder that you will eventually feel good again.
STARTING THE MENTAL RELEASE
To start the mental release of your ex, have a box at your party and write “Letting Go & Learning From It” on it. You and your girls can go around the house collecting his left-over things, mementos, and pictures and placing them in the box. You can throw the box in the trash or store it at your girls house until you start to feel better. This mental release includes deleting him as a friend on social media and blocking him if possible (at least while the breakup is fresh). The last thing you need to do is obsess over his accounts on a daily basis. In 2012, in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking there was a study conducted of close to 500 college aged women and it found that the ones that continuously checked the social media pages of their exes showed longer periods of distress and negativity.