The Ultimate Survival Guide for Relationships & Households During Football Season

In LaTasha’s debut book “When Football Season Turns You Into His Side Chick: The Ultimate Survival Guide For Relationships & Households During Football Season” she tell’s how and why the dynamics of relationships usually change during football season.  She also gives out amusing anecdotes and useful tips to help navigate through this season, the most wonderful time of the year.  Enclosed are some tips from her book and her interview on “Good Morning Washington” .

Pre-Game Coverage

   Why does football season have the same level of anticipation and excitement for men as Valentine’s Day does for women?

     As if it isn’t hard enough trying to maintain a relationship as complexities arise, Valentine’s Day meets its most challenging opponent head-on: football season! It’s the time of year when many women find themselves pushing up against a brick wall while seeking intimacy and conversation. Arguments are common, and neglect becomes familiar as relationships fight for survival.

     A woman able to endure the emotional roller coaster of football season is one worth keeping around. Not only must she maintain her composure while meeting a few unfamiliar guests in the house, but her seasonal role as the “side chick” may take her on a journey of emotional discomfort. This is not the time to start throwing dishes or packing. Instead, it can be an awesome time to strategize a plan to get back in the driver’s seat as his “main chick.”

Excerpts From Chapter 1:

When September “Falls” On the Calendar

     The autumnal equinox is upon us as we bask in the heat of mid-September. Cooler nights and more comfortable humidity pierce the dread of the summer’s high temperatures. Beautiful fall foliage replaces the haze of the summer sun and the children return to school. Nevertheless, for most male football fans – and with all due respect to the month of December, with its festivities and collection of holidays – September is the best time of year, because football season returns.

     One of the first things to understand other than the quarterback is one of the most integral positions, is that watching football is considered a sanctuary for many men. This may seem hard to believe with all the aggression, grunting, tackling and injuries, but it’s true that even if he doesn’t know football … he knows football! Nothing is more relaxing to a man on Sundays during football season than cuddling up to his recliner in front of a large, flat-screen TV with his favorite beer snuggled in the palm of his hand. See ladies, men really do enjoy cuddling and snuggling!

     During this time of year, the man in your relationship transforms into multiple characters. Half of them may be new to you. Your honeybunch becomes more than just a “football fan,” and I wouldn’t dare suggest you use those two words together in a sentence when referring to him, because in most cases, his zeal goes way beyond that title.

     Although it has often been said that men can’t multitask, football season proves otherwise. As a game gains momentum, a man also becomes a coach, a player, a coordinator who calls the plays, the offense, the defense, the general manager, the team owner, a referee, a sports journalist, a reporter, a statistician, a football guru, and last but not least … a couch potato! Some of his actions, or lack of actions, may have you feeling like the side chick because his attention diverts to watching football.     

     Am I right? 

Excerpts From Chapter 2:

When His Fantasy Doesn’t Include You

     Fantasy drafts can take place in a live format online, set up for automatic drafting, over the phone, or handwritten and entered into the computer by the league’s commissioner, upon completion of the draft. Here’s one thing I’m certain will happen: your significant other will want to attend one or more fantasy football draft parties, and these occur in mid – to – late August or early September. That can sound misleading, a fantasy football draft party.

     This will not be a party per se. For the most part, the atmosphere will not be that of a party or a cookout, and there won’t be a spread of various delicacies. No music, family and/or your friends, either. At most, the host might have some beer and wings at the venue to offer, but that’s only a possibility. Most likely, it will be a “bring your own” food and beverage type of event, or the draft party might take place at a pub or restaurant.                                        

     If you’re not invited to this party, don’t be offended.

Excerpt From Chapter 3:

When Home is His Second Castle

     When plays go wrong on the field, nothing allows a man to effectively communicate these messages of frustration better than yelling at a larger-than-life, flat-screen television.

     An even bigger bonus is if that TV is in his “man cave.” Don’t cringe so quickly, ladies! With the raucous activity, potential messes and aromas, the idea of him having a personal dwelling to watch football may actually be a bonus for you as well.

     The man cave serves as a home away from home for a guy. It allows him to do what he likes without being bothered (still with some limitations, of course). He can decorate it however he pleases, with no interference from a female, and it doesn’t throw the décor off balance from the other rooms in the house. He is free to relax and unwind without outside worries. It’s the equivalent of boys having tree houses, but with more technology, a fridge and alcoholic beverages.

    His sanctum is usually an extra bedroom in the home, the garage, the basement, the attic or the media room where he can have his buddies over to watch the games. Now if you are permitted into his private retreat during football season while the games are on, that’s kind of like when your significant other gives you his last piece of food to show how much he loves you.

     There’s no room for the “side chick” label if this happens, but confirmation is necessary. Make sure that his choice to let you in his man cave is carefully considered and not because he knows he will later regret the decision. Make sure he really means it.

Excerpts From Chapter 4:

When Sundays Arrive

 Sunday, better known as the day of Sabbath, is the most important day of a man’s week during football season. As a favor, ladies, also put nagging to rest on Sundays during this time of year.

Here’s a reminder of this one important aspect to watching football: it’s his sanctuary! After all, there are six other days in the week to return to your regularly scheduled nagging.


Trust me: he’s doing you a favor! It will look like a war room for 1 to 2 hours in someone’s living room, pub or restaurant, with an uproar of competitive banter, lots of phones, laptops and magazines, with the exclusive purpose of strategerizing the fantasy football draft(s). If you arrive with him to the draft party/parties, his buddies will definitely give him the “dude, you brought your lady” facial expressions and remarks, and he’ll never hear the end of it from them.

     You’re not missing anything special, but if you must attend, bring your own music and headphones, your own magazines, some nail polish or something, because if you aren’t drafting, you will be bored. Unless you have a good friend who is attending as well, or some type of activity to keep you occupied, you will not be entertained!

Excerpts From Chapter 5:

When the Games Come On

     Not every man wants the woman in his relationship to know about football, and that’s OK too, but many men find that a woman who not only watches football, but also knows and understands the game, is another reason to find her attractive.

     Therefore, if you’re a woman, who wants to acquire knowledge, and a man who prefers that the woman in your relationship knows football, this is what needs to happen: your five-step program.

     1. For starters, ladies, don’t yell out “home run!” when a touchdown is scored (and I don’t need to add any explanation for that).

     2. If questions arise, wait for the commercials. It’s not always the case that he doesn’t want to answer you, but unlike golf – which is typically known for its slow play – football has a running on-screen play clock and is played at a very fast pace.

     3. When it comes to you asking him questions, it’s all about timing. Take notes if necessary, and limit how many questions you ask him at a time. Also understand that the best times to ask questions are when a timeout occurs, during a commercial, when it’s halftime, or if there is some other break from the action on the gridiron. You can even ask questions on other days of the week besides Sundays, when football is on television, and also before or after the season.

     4. Don’t be intimidated; you may not want to ask what you think is a dumb question. Don’t let that thought cause a concern. If you want to know something, ask! If you don’t feel comfortable asking him, find other ways to get answers.

     5. One way is to watch football-related TV programs or websites or hey – you can reach out to me and I’ll be delighted to provide some insight – with a woman’s touch, of course. I’m available and always willing to help if I can, especially when it comes to football. Of course, I don’t know it all, but for the most part, if it’s about the rules, the plays/players, or whatever pertains to the games or the sport of football, nothing is off limits. Feel free to contact me via email: ldmiles247@gmail.com with “Football Season” enclosed in the subject line.

     If you still prefer to ask him the questions, great!  He’ll be pleased with the fact that his lady is inquiring about football and he’ll be excited about providing you with his insight. He might even react with a silent fist pump or salute you with a kiss, and he might actually exalt with excitement, but don’t expect him to blow party horns or throw any confetti about it.

     Just keep in mind that he might sound impatient with your questions, but a little bit of that tone is just his shock and happiness. This could also be his first time explaining football to a female, so he could also have some apprehension; remember this is one of the few opportunities he gets to be completely right in the relationship. There will still be an air of cockiness during his explanation, but he knows that he definitely can’t mess this up, because if he’s wrong, his woman will never let him hear the end of it!

Excerpts From Chapter 6: 

When Sex & Intimacy Are Sidelined

     The point is – and as previously discussed – relationships are about balance and compromises, and regardless whether your relationship’s status is married, engaged, or just courting, never stop dating your significant other, not even during football season.  The dating aspect during this time of year is one thing, but when sexual intimacy is involved, things can get complicated.

     Well, actually, sexual intimacy can complicate relationships without football season’s involvement, but it’s also a little different during this time of year.

     OK, so this isn’t breaking news, but unless something catastrophic has happened to a man, he will not turn down sex under any circumstances. Well most men, anyway. But when the football games are on, the type of sex that takes place and its frequency can change dramatically. Those days of having sex with ballads playing in the background, candles lit … not while the games are on.

I know, I know!

     How in the world can he go from wanting sex so frequently and thinking about it as often as he does during the day – and not always act on it?

     Well, watching football can change a man’s thought pattern. These are the four different types of sexual activity you can expect during the season: 1. quick and spontaneous with a dash of sidetrack sex; 2. him turning the TV off and actually participating during sex; 3. the calculated sex; 4. no sex at all.

     Here’s the breakdown of the “quick and spontaneous with a dash of sidetrack” sex. Keep in mind ladies, the action in football can change in the blink of an eye, and having intercourse while the games are on can be a distraction. His favorite team could be in the red zone, 10 yards away from scoring a touchdown and turn the ball over on the next play.

     Now, if he were to miss that play because he was sidetracked and tempted by the sight of your enticing lips, your seductive thighs or any of your other assets, he would place blame on you. Of course, he won’t tell you that, but it will run across his mind that the turnover happened because he wasn’t paying attention to his squad and he let you take his focus instead.

     He will most likely communicate that message nonverbally with a certain facial expression of disapproval. Sure, that expression will be because his team turned the ball over, but it’s made indirectly toward you.

     Therefore, thanks to your body language that aroused him accidentally-on-purpose in the first place, he has intercourse with you in order to keep the peace.

     Be careful with your sexual positioning, though. If he faces the TV and your back is toward it, he might be multitasking and watching the game. So if you hear him shout, it might not necessarily be a result of what you’re doing to him. I’m not questioning your skills, but you have to take into account that he really wants to watch football, and there may have just been a score from the game. I recommend you just wait until all the games are over. But if you don’t and you feel a slight disconnection while having intercourse, don’t say you weren’t forewarned.

     Next, for the woman fortunate enough to have her mate participate with her during intercourse … during the game … and he takes his sweet time … and he actually turns off the television … Congratulations! Your area must be dipped in 14-karat gold! You, Ms. Special Lady, might even have the ability to create a secret potion to make Mondays and Tuesdays go by as fast as Saturdays and Sundays.

     If he does turn off the TV to have sex with you during the game, then maybe he has a birthday coming up and is working his way up the rankings for a better gift (i.e., some tickets to a football game). Then again, it must be your anniversary, or his team must be getting destroyed or not playing at the time or he might be in the doghouse and this is makeup sex. There must be some agenda!

     I’m only kidding! He might be downright horny!

     Just make sure your performance is worth him missing parts of the game. If not, then he might be even more disappointed in you, than if his team loses that day. You might get a bit of that cold shoulder vibe from him for the rest of the day, so prepare to make up for it. Otherwise, take advantage of his animal instinct and innovate some ways to stimulate his mind while stroking those other areas, as well.

     Many women find themselves struggling to get or keep their man’s attention because they forget the art of lovemaking. Don’t be afraid to speak his language by appearing around the corner dressed in nothing but a towel with his favorite team’s logo embossed on it and a stimulating body lotion fragrance. See, now you’re massaging his ego as he has the best of both worlds and you’re talking under his arena of favorites … the game to look forward to when he turns the television back on and a sexy woman to match! Football season doesn’t have to kill your sex drive. He doesn’t have to suffer from withdrawals, and you just might get to unleash the secret freak dwelling within you.

     Seriously, enjoy the sex you receive from him while football is on. Of course, football does not (and will not) replace you, and while it doesn’t make you his side chick, those moments of sacrifice from a man who loves to watch the games deserve some recognition, or even a trophy.

     There may also be times when the sex is calculated. It sounds hard to believe that a man would actually schedule sex, right? Nevertheless, during football season, it can and does happen. Besides, don’t we always give schedules for him to comply? Exactly! Now it’s his turn! It just so happens to occur for him, during the football games.

     His appointments to have sex with you will most likely happen during halftime. Intercourse might also take place during pre-game (any time before 1 p.m.), between the first and second session of games (usually at 4:05 p.m.), between the second and third session of games (usually at 7:25 p.m.) and/or during post-game (after the late game around … 11:49 p.m.). Just a reminder, ladies, you will also compete with the highlights throughout the day, from the other teams when they’re playing, preliminary reports of games to follow, or the replays of games from the earlier matchups.

     Calculated sex, by appointment only, may go longer than a three-minute knockout or unfortunately, it might be a quickie. Remember, he’s the one on a schedule and this is not the time to get emotional and demand to have it your way. If it’s a quickie, don’t act like you’ve never had one, (or a few, or several) in your lifetime, so don’t be alarmed if it happens during football season. Don’t suddenly make it a deal breaker for you! 

     Finally, there is the unbelievable reality that he just might not want sex while the games are on TV. That’s not to say that sex will not occur while the games are on, but it’s not necessarily his top priority. For the times when you don’t fool around while the games are on, do not get discouraged.

Post-Game Coverage

     The word of the day is sanctuary. That’s what football is for him. You don’t have to become defensive or dislike football season because he’s devoting more time to what’s going on within the sport. Football is not your enemy and you’re not being replaced. After all, football season won’t wash his clothes or prepare him any dinner. Football season won’t even tie his necktie or satisfy any of his other needs, so he still needs you to be his sexy queen! He just also needs his sanctuary.


October 2016: “Good Morning Washington” Discussing the Concept of My Book

http://wjla.com/features/good-morning-washington/7-ways-to-avoid-getting-sidelined-by-your-significant-other-this-football-season

 

Email: Ldmiles247@gmail.com or shespn336@gmail.com

Instagram: @she_spn

Twitter: @she_spn

Facebook: LaTasha JoanMadden Miles

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